A Year Spent In the Grass

Hello lovelies,

I hope this new year hasn’t ravaged you too much already. I am finally back on social media, as of January 23rd, 2026. I spent a year off of my main vice, “Instagram” and took a moment to “touch some grass.” Today, I made my very first post on my poetry account since *checks phone* December 7, 2024. I was 19 when I made my last post on Instagram, and I am 21 now. What a difference a year can make. And yes, I am doing my math right (I turned 20 on the 9th of December).

Over the year, many things happened. Things I expected, and things I couldn’t have possibly fathomed. I have gone through the whole spectrum of emotions, and if you know me, you know that my life never fails to be full of moments and stories that have people questioning, “How does this stuff keep happening to you?” Everything happened this year. I finally got my license. YAY. A friendship I have had my entire college experience has faded into nothingness. I got over the boy, I thought I would never get over. I finished my sophomore year. I studied abroad. So much life was lived.

My intention with this break was to “be more productive.” To use the time that I normally dedicate to brainrot scrolling, and relocate to my more creative pursuits. I did that in some ways. Accomplished things I probably wouldn’t have had the time to. But there was so much more to this break than being productive. I lived. I lived in every moment.

The most rewarding thing about this year, was the closeness I gained to myself. If you have read any of my past blogs or have had any conversations with me, you will know I am a creature of turmoil and endless curiosity. I am constantly trying to piece together my past, place myself in the present, while grasping for control of my future. I am tugged in every direction by every passion that has ever coursed through my veins. I long to practice medicine, learn to paint, sew my own clothes, write a poetry collection, finish my novel, raise a litter of kids, teach, give, create, and change the world, all in this lifetime. All my passions exhaust me; and often and easily I find myself pursuing nothing. Restless and afraid. My college experience, especially my freshman year, left me in a state of disequilibrium. I couldn’t quite place my feet on solid ground. I kept stumbling and tripping, and making mistake after mistake, and I lost trust in my ability to bounce back. As I put it in my other blog, I lost trust in myself, my judgment, and my discernment. In the year that I was away from social media, I regained my closeness to myself.

I asked a lot of questions about the way I think, the way life has shaped me, and the things I value. I set clear and direct boundaries with the people I love for the first time, and I didn’t die. (Shocker.) I took the time to learn myself in a genuine and authentic way. First, not for the sake of changing but knowing. Second, acknowledging without comparison and judgment. I began to understand the beauty and complexity behind the saying “Nosce te Ipsum” (Know Thyself). It was a beautiful year, filled with endless discoveries, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not another scroll, not another like, not another comment. Nothing at all.